I have decided to do a 2-part post on some of the relevant aspects of my life that I feel you should know in order to bring some things into perspective and to give some direction to this blog. I hope these give you an insight to my life and it gives you reason to continue keeping up with my blog :)
Everything seemingly came crashing down this year when I developed a chronic case of GERD (gastroesophageal reflux disease)/ acid reflux which only worsened some of the other conditions I was dealing with before. By far, I've only been open about my acid reflux with people around me and I chose to keep it this way for a while so I will not be touching on my other problems on here either. GERD made me rather miserable for a good 3-quarters of 2016; with me missing school, being hospitalised and taking a seemingly colossal number of pills a day to be treated. There was a point where I was put on 22 pills a day for 10 days along with some antacids to kill off the bad bacteria and introduce some good ones to improve the condition of my gut. I was pretty miserable for those 10 days with a permanent foul taste in my mouth that would not go away because of the antibiotics i was taking, coupled with stomach acid that was being regurgitated. I ended up gaining 10kg in a short span of 3 months due to side affects of the medications I was put on. I tried my best to keep the weight under control by running nearly 8 km each day and restricting my caloric intake but, the weight just kept piling on and I continued being miserable.
It was only after sorting through my priorities and having long talks with my brother did I realise that I had to give my body a break and let healing take its course while I was being medicated. I had to accept the weight gain and be fine with no longer being able to fit into my clothes. As petty as it sounds, it was hard for someone like me who had always been so hard-headed about maintaining a "healthy" lifestyle and controlling every aspect of my own physical state. Letting go of the control was hard but it had to be done for my own betterment. After a year of bad health, stress from exams (GCE A-Levels), faltering relationships and a magnitude of change, I finally feel like I'm on stable grounds, with my GERD under control and other aspects of my life slowly sorting themselves out. I've learnt that illness makes one strong and surfaces the honest and true relationships one has in life; which is why, I am beyond thankful to my closest friends, especially my brother, for sticking by me through my worst and honouring the secrecy of my sufferings that I had disclosed to them.
This was a hard post to write which is why I allowed my stream of consciousness to take charge in the initial draft. It is true that I mask my other conditions behind GERD which is why the description of my past year might seem rather over dramatized as GERD wasn't the sole or even main cause of my agony this year. However, I had to find a medium to communicate what I had been through to rationalize the changes I have made in my life and my decision to start this blog; to track my progress, share my experiences and maybe help someone out along the way, which is why GERD seems like the right medium to do so. I hope this post gave you some insight into the not-so-great part of my life but I promise the next post is going to be full of positivity and hope as I will share about my recovery and plans for the future. (Things are definitely starting to look up!)
Keep your eyes peeled for my posts on the juice detox I'm undergoing now!!
Part 1- The Agony
Ever since I hit puberty my body went through a lot of drastic changes and I saw myself transitioning into a more womanly body more distinctly than my friends, even those who had hit puberty much before me. I was not an "early bloomer" by any means but the changes were very distinct and I started feeling uncomfortable with my body from the age of 13.
This discomfort with my own appearance was brought upon by looking dissimilar from the girls around me and was later heightened by my own compulsion to look a certain way because of my bouts of perfectionism. I now realise that I was doing myself no favours by harshly restricting my diet and excessively working out, because in the long term I've only suffered metabolic damage coupled with other medical problems. Of course certain ailments could not have been entirely prevented as they were circumstantial but I often find myself guilty for what I've put my body through.
This discomfort with my own appearance was brought upon by looking dissimilar from the girls around me and was later heightened by my own compulsion to look a certain way because of my bouts of perfectionism. I now realise that I was doing myself no favours by harshly restricting my diet and excessively working out, because in the long term I've only suffered metabolic damage coupled with other medical problems. Of course certain ailments could not have been entirely prevented as they were circumstantial but I often find myself guilty for what I've put my body through.
Everything seemingly came crashing down this year when I developed a chronic case of GERD (gastroesophageal reflux disease)/ acid reflux which only worsened some of the other conditions I was dealing with before. By far, I've only been open about my acid reflux with people around me and I chose to keep it this way for a while so I will not be touching on my other problems on here either. GERD made me rather miserable for a good 3-quarters of 2016; with me missing school, being hospitalised and taking a seemingly colossal number of pills a day to be treated. There was a point where I was put on 22 pills a day for 10 days along with some antacids to kill off the bad bacteria and introduce some good ones to improve the condition of my gut. I was pretty miserable for those 10 days with a permanent foul taste in my mouth that would not go away because of the antibiotics i was taking, coupled with stomach acid that was being regurgitated. I ended up gaining 10kg in a short span of 3 months due to side affects of the medications I was put on. I tried my best to keep the weight under control by running nearly 8 km each day and restricting my caloric intake but, the weight just kept piling on and I continued being miserable.
It was only after sorting through my priorities and having long talks with my brother did I realise that I had to give my body a break and let healing take its course while I was being medicated. I had to accept the weight gain and be fine with no longer being able to fit into my clothes. As petty as it sounds, it was hard for someone like me who had always been so hard-headed about maintaining a "healthy" lifestyle and controlling every aspect of my own physical state. Letting go of the control was hard but it had to be done for my own betterment. After a year of bad health, stress from exams (GCE A-Levels), faltering relationships and a magnitude of change, I finally feel like I'm on stable grounds, with my GERD under control and other aspects of my life slowly sorting themselves out. I've learnt that illness makes one strong and surfaces the honest and true relationships one has in life; which is why, I am beyond thankful to my closest friends, especially my brother, for sticking by me through my worst and honouring the secrecy of my sufferings that I had disclosed to them.
This was a hard post to write which is why I allowed my stream of consciousness to take charge in the initial draft. It is true that I mask my other conditions behind GERD which is why the description of my past year might seem rather over dramatized as GERD wasn't the sole or even main cause of my agony this year. However, I had to find a medium to communicate what I had been through to rationalize the changes I have made in my life and my decision to start this blog; to track my progress, share my experiences and maybe help someone out along the way, which is why GERD seems like the right medium to do so. I hope this post gave you some insight into the not-so-great part of my life but I promise the next post is going to be full of positivity and hope as I will share about my recovery and plans for the future. (Things are definitely starting to look up!)
Keep your eyes peeled for my posts on the juice detox I'm undergoing now!!
Respect beb ❤️❤️
ReplyDeleteThank you beb!!
Delete